Pathetic.

Right so, i don't want to talk about my summer right now. It is not the matter on my mind at the moment. I dont even wanna mention my first days of classes. We can discuss those later.
What i do want to say is...how pathetic am i?
Something just happened that has happened to me frequently. I start to get up the courage to flirt with a guy or something or find i'm developing stronger feelings for a guy friend. Then i turn around and find that they just asked out a friend of mine and are now dating like the same day i make the decision to start to pursue them. Like tonight, I decided to see if this guy could be someone that could like me. He has started paying more attention to me and talking to me more. This doesn't happen often between the male species and i. I take things like this to heart and blow it out of proportion. And i get home to facebook and see he just put his relationship status as dating the girl that was with us. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I seriously thought this girl liked a different guy. Boy, was i wrong. It sorta hit me when a ran after them to get my backpack out of his car and turned the corner to see them holding hands. In my head i was like: (hmmmm...were they just...? nah!) Then he was like: Oh i'll just take you home. That's when i started feeling the awkwardness. And like I said, came in my apt and found the status change. How the heck can I be that oblivious. This exact thing happened to me last semester. When i saw it my first reaction was: AW CUTE!...(then)...wait...what!?  (this being after i liked it and then i commented I KNEW IT!). Even though I made it sound like i could tell they had something going on...I was freakin oblivious. Then I realized this happened to me before. Needless to say, I got off FB and started crying.
I'm pretty sure i have a hidden talent of repelling guys. My love life has consisted of: numerous crushes...nonstop, one "boyfriend" of 2? months end of 7th to 8th but we DID NOTHING just a title, 9th grade 16 hour bf who was pressured into it by mutual friends so i basically told him to end it because i knew he didnt like me, one true boyfriend (basically my first; first hand hold, first kiss and make-out, an intense and overly flirty "thing" with a Chinese waiter, first date (although our "date" wasn't until after we dated because neither of us could drive when we dated so i guess it doesn't count?), an almost fling who rejected me twice because he just wants to be friends after he was making moves on me (meaning holding hands/cuddling), and a regretful fling with a guy friend that was just a "what if" type situation.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I know God has someone out there for me. But ( i know its bad to say) im really tired of waiting. True love does wait, but can't i have a lil relationship? No. I need to stop thinking like that. Im just longing for a relationship. I want someone to want me, to want to get to know me, to want to be with me, to want to love and love me for who i am. I want someone to hold me and just look into my eyes, telling me that they'll be there for me. I WANT TO CUDDLE. God you granted me patience, but im not using it right.
I need patience for my love life.
#hopelessromantic4lifeproblems
Now to indulge myself in Asian dramas to watch relationships that i'll never have.
~Meliah