Best Friend?

Is it ok if I can't pinpoint who my best friend is?

I know I am being overly emotional right now or I could be starting my period soon...but I've just hit a low point today and I need to rant.

All the questions that ask "Who is your best friend?" I have to seriously think about who it is at that moment.
There are two people who I want to call my best friend.

The first is my friend that I've known since 4th grade and we used to be inseparable in high school. She was like my shadow and we had our own little world at times, but recently I don't feel that close to her anymore. It was a slow process with me going away to college and her interests and fandoms diverging from mine. We used to be so in sync and she is who I credit my love for Asian cultures to because she introduced me to some anime and then we both got into Jpop, some Kpop, and dramas. But somewhere along the way she got away from all that. I tried to keep up with her by watching Glee with her over Skype and binge watching episodes I had missed when I would go home. I also fell in love with Starkid because of her and went to the tour stops in Texas with her. But now she's big into American mainstream music, shows and topics and a big LBGTQ activist. I'm not saying I'm against those, but they're not my passions. I'm not saying that we can't be best friends if we don't have the same passions, but I really want to connect better.

The person that I share feelings with and we share fandoms/passions, I have not known for very long. I feel like it took us such a short time to get so close, but I can't be her best friend because I'm late in the game. Her other close friends that have been around longer than me come first in her mind, which is totally understandable. I know it isn't fair to say things like this, but that's how I feel sometimes. I know we're real close, but she's like me and has many friends that she loves and protects. I just want to be first in someone's mind. Two of her other close friends came and got her last night to hang out and I didn't know until she told me earlier. I thought we were all close, but in my mind I can't get on their level because I'm still sorta new to the group. Up until I became friends with them, I never felt like I had a "squad" or"clique" to belong to in college. But even with them I still feel like I don't belong at times.

I guess I just want to have a really strong connection with someone where we are totally in sync with our thoughts and passions.

Not even can my boyfriend be called my best friend. We really don't have all that much in common actually, but it still works I guess. I don't want to try and push my passions onto him, but I want to be able to connect better with him. I see couples all the time saying that they are married to their best friend and I want that.

This is the only time I feel selfish for attention.

My whole life I have just been floating from friend group to friend group. I have made friends everywhere, some very very close friendships, but I don't think I've ever found someone that connects with me completely or where I felt like I completely belong. Most of my Christian friends don't share other passions with me and most of the people I want to be close to that have the same interests don't share my religious beliefs.

This is the only time I hate myself, when I'm selfish for friendship because I wasn't invited somewhere.
But...this will all not matter soon, because my rare moment of depression is soon over and I will go back to my happy and mostly indifferent self with plenty of friends and people that care about me.

What is social?

                A big debate among people of all ages and backgrounds is whether social media is making us more or less social as a society. There really does not seem to be a definite answer as to which side of the argument is more right. More arguments have been made that it makes us less social, but I will play devil’s advocate and say that it helps us be more social.

            Webster’s dictionary describes the adjective “social” as follows:

“ : relating to or involving activities in which people spend time talking to each other or doing    enjoyable things with each other

: liking to be with and talk to people: happy to be with people

: of or relating to people or society in general”

This definition had me thinking. None of those specifically say having one-on-one conversations in person with people. Many will claim that social media, such as Facebook, is an excuse to not physically visit or call friends and family. While, that might be true, that doesn't mean this makes people anti-social. They still make efforts to communicate and maintain relationships with those friends and family. If they were truly not social, they wouldn't be friends on Facebook or talking to people in any way. I personally have family members that do not have any form of social media and I only hear from them when I see them at family gatherings and even then they don’t seem like they want to be there. These are the types of people I consider to be anti-social.

 The part of the definition that helps my argument the most is the last part “of or relating to people or society in general”. These days it is rare when someone does not have a Facebook account, even more rare when they do not own a cellphone. This rarity is because society as a whole is using these social media platforms, then the people that choose to not involve themselves with social networking sites or apps seem like social outcasts to the rest of us. Society evolves more and more over the years. When we are all connecting on the same media, we develop relationships, therefore we are still being social. That is not to say that people without internet or smartphones are not social people, it is just that they are making harder efforts of making conversation and relationships with people than they rest of us that chose the easy and efficient way.

One of the main arguments against social media is that when people are in a room together, they often end up on their smartphones and not talking to each other. What do people usually do when they are on their phones? They are usually being social with other people that are not there with them. Society has become more social, just in different ways. You can still have meaningful conversations and not be right next to the person. As someone currently in a long distance relationship, I have become a big advocate for maintaining relationships not based on physical presence. Of course, it is hard for a relationship to not have reassuring physical aspects, but a relationship should not be based solely on physical interaction. It makes you feel closer when you talk about your fears, dreams and goals with someone who actually cares. On the reverse, you can be sitting next to someone and not say anything but still show that you’re being social by physically being with them. Part of the definition simply says “happy to be with people”. You wouldn't physically stay around someone if you were not happy or at least comfortable to be there. Some of my friends try to make the argument that they are not social because they have trouble with phone conversations and would rather type something out than say it in person. This does not come off as not social to me. If they were not social, they would not care about trying to convey a message to someone or not want to connect at all. These friends are also in a club on campus. Saying that you are not social but becoming part of a club is ironic. A club is the epitome of social, people of similar interests coming together to connect. They may not physically interact and have one-on-one conversations with these club members, but being there and enjoying activities together is social.

Molly Reynolds, a writer for the Huffington Post, made a good point in an article she wrote over this topic. “Reading or hearing about something will never (and SHOULD never) replace really connecting with others through shared experiences. New social media networks are starting to pick up on this trend -- using their platform as a tool to allow people to have real life experiences.”(Reynolds) Some of these new platforms include an app that allows people to connect with people nearby in their area that show similar interests, a social exercise app that allows people to connect with their friends to show weight goals and updates when your friend is working out or has achieved a goal to get you motivated to complete your goal and encourages exercising together. There are many social apps like these that help people connect in real life.

I also believe that without social media, many people would not have friends. It is hard to connect with people in your area when you have nothing in common with the people around you. Social media helps people with similar interests to connect, which usually ends up with them meeting in person. Once people of a certain fandom or lifestyle have found others like them on the internet, the next thing they want to do is meet up. Society is not spiraling into an anti-social abyss of loners that don’t want friends, it is always changing and finding ways of connecting and being social in different ways.

Reference:

  Reynolds, Molly. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/molly-reynolds/is-social-media-actually-_b_4867841.html. 

First SXSW experience (as a volunteer)

For Spring Break I had the wonderful opportunity to attend SXSW as a volunteer for music panels.

I finally got the motivation to apply and follow through with becoming a volunteer. Figured it was time to "be an adult" and make important decisions like being responsible. I attended all pre-meetings and even asked to reschedule a midterm to attend a mandatory pre-conference walk-thru scheduled on the same night. I wanted to recap the volunteer experience as well as the stuff I attended with my music badge perk throughout the week.

Music panels for the music aspect of SXSW began later in the week starting on Wednesday and running through Saturday, all of which music panel volunteers had to work 9am - 6pm.
Before my actual shifts started, that Tuesday I went and dropped off my stuff at a cousin's house that I would be staying with for the duration of SXSW and then went to pick up my volunteer credentials and music badge perk. Most SXSW volunteers worked for a perk or some sort, whether it be just an artist wristband for minimal hours or one of the badges (interactive, music, film, gold and platinum) which all vary on how many shifts or hours you work depending on the crew you work in. Since music panel volunteers all work the same shifts and hours, 60hrs, we were eligible for a badge and only could get platinum if returning volunteer and/or recommended by staff for a platinum badge. I settled for music badge of course, because I was mainly interested in music industry and having priority access to all live music venues.
After getting situated with credentials in the Registration area, I was on my way to find food and I ran into (almost literally) one of the acts I was eager to see later that night. South Korean DJ Hitchhiker. He was clad in his reflective geometric "space suit", which before that moment I did not know actually existed as a wearable suit. I thought that it was strictly a digitized visual for music videos, but no there he was in the suit making his way down the hall to registration. He was accompanied by an entourage of Korean managers/body guards, photographers, and curious on-lookers who probably didn't even know who he was and just wanted an interesting selfie or snapchat. I wanted to let him know right away that I was a fan (granted not a huge one or dedicated one at that moment), but chickened out and just waved and he waved right back at me. I had hoped that he would recognize me later for the showcases, but I'm unsure of the vision capabilities that the suit allowed. Never saw him without the suit as he performed both showcases in the suit. Or maybe I did and just didn't know it was him.

I have decided to make separate posts about the different showcases I went to, so for now I will just expand on the volunteer experience.

A Music Panel volunteer has its pros and cons.
Pros:

•  You are stationed in the convention center on the 4th and 3rd floors away from the hectic SXSW attendees until you have to venture out to find food on your break. 
• When bad weather hits, you don't have to worry too much because you are inside. 
• You are surround by interesting professionals in the music industry as well as a few famous artists. 
• There's a lot of interesting and informational topics on the panels you are helping with.

Cons:

• Since most panels are only open to people with SXSW Music Badges, you don't see that many famous people or variety of SXSW attendees.
• Also because you are inside all day, you are disconnected with things going on in the streets, such as running into celebrities.
• You have to go out of the building to get food that is covered by your food pass on your break and sometimes run out of time because the long lines.  
• You can't interact with famous people while on shift. I wanted to take pics of Snoop Dogg and Arcade Fire, but that's nono.

There were many other aspects about Music Panels that I didn't mention, but those seemed most important. 

Your job as a music panel volunteer basically consisted of meeting in the green room in the morning with everyone else and then going to your assigned panel room for the rest of the day. There was a folder with name placement cards and a list of all the panels in that room for the day and who was on the panel. You met with the panelists and made sure everyone was there before the panel, if someone didn't show up or someone else came as a replacement, you made the necessary changes. You also had to make sure the techs for the room knew if the panelist needed help with the presentation and sound before the panel time.Then one of the volunteers assigned to the room would bring the panelists to the room 5 minutes before it started while other volunteers had been getting things ready in the room and scanning the credentials of the panel attendees. It was all pretty simple stuff.

 My favorite day was being assigned as a green room helper. I sat at the sign in table for panelists and checked off who came in and made sure they got refreshments and that no volunteer touched the refreshments. Also, I made sure that the tables were tidy when panelist came and left things behind. It was while working in the green room that I saw Arcade Fire (and Will from Arcade Fire taking off his shoes and propping up his feet), and The WHO and Blondie's manager. 

I was also able to work the keynote speaker panel, which just so happened to be Snoop Dogg this year. Unfortunately, we didn't get to meet him, but it was still cool being in his presence and hearing him speak. I was on crowd control and made sure people were sitting or standing in the back and not on the sides. I felt a little powerful then, telling people where to go. haha.

If I'm still in the area for SXSW next year, I'll definitely be on the Music Panel crew again.

Motivation.

I've been putting this off way too long.

I was going to write more reviews of Japanese restaurants I visited in Japan...that didn't happen.
I was going to make a post before I came back to the U.S....that didn't work out.
I was going to write about my boyfriend of now a little over a year in Japan and how that happened...nope.

I will get inspiration or an idea of what to write about, but I'd be too tired or busy when I got home this past semester. Writing is hard work. I don't know how all these bloggers do it. Thinking up witty things to tell people who are willing to read and then actually sitting down and writing it out, some even brainstorm and do rough drafts. As I am the epitome of lazy, I don't do that. My biggest flaw is my laziness, I blame it on no motivation. Well it may just be a combination of both.

I think for this post...it will be just me rambling on about my shortcomings and disappointments to myself. Or even my personal thoughts and hopes for the future.

I hope I can get some kind of internship, preferably paid, this coming semester. Just need to get motivated and actively look for one. I just keep getting scared about driving places or actually going out and getting more obligations. I'll be putting a slight tamper on my social life. Many times I frustrated myself because I would let some people down because I would yet again over book myself because all I want to do is please people and be with all my friends every chance I get.
My grades didn't suffer much, but they could have been better. 2 A's and 2 B's. A lot of people were struggling to pass and I was there just being a social butterfly or working.

Although, I have noticed something since I've been back here. Usually, I would jump at the mention of a party or hanging out with friends. Now, it takes me a while to decide if I want to go or not. Also, I would usually want to go out with friends dancing or the like, but now I don't see the point. I still like dancing, but it isn't much fun when you don't try to get all dressed up to be noticed by guys.

 The reason for the change?

I left my heart in Japan and I only want him to look at me and visa-versa.
I'm not saying that I regret getting into a LDR (long distance relationship), it's just hard and has definitely changed me. Every time I go out with my friends, I just wish he were there with me. I wish he were with me every moment of the day, actually.

It has also awoken something in me that wants to start seriously thinking about my future. I wonder if I can get a job in Japan to be with him; there's always teaching English. I still would like to do something with my major of PR in my interests of Asian entertainment. But it is hard trying to figure out how I will get there. Which is also what stops me from actively pursuing internships. I want to be able to find some kind of internship that is in the entertainment business but is connected to Japan or Korea or both. The closest thing I can think of is to volunteer for SXSW, but that seems really limited and competitive. Plus, Austin traffic scares me and having to drive there a couple of days out of a week for something I'm not getting paid for makes me wonder if it is even worth it. Will this experience seriously help me with my career goal. I mean it wouldn't hurt to try.

I guess we'll see if the motivation comes to me try and write a cover letter and apply.

たっくんのメレーちゃん　(Takkun's Melay-chan) his name for me and mine for him.