Not again...

  Seems like the only time I feel like blogging is when I'm super upset about something. So here I am again... I kept thinking last year that the reason I don't hang out with people or aren't invited much or have a close friend group is because of the car situation. But no. Not the problem. Its still happening and it happens with people who don't have cars either. Even if I did have a car, I wouldn't be hanging out much more because I DON'T GET INVITED! Seriously. I'm forgotten. A lot. I don't know whats wrong with me. People seem to like me and possibly want me around when I'm right there with them. But when I'm not there talking to them they forget about me. No one asks me to hangout/ perform a dance/ go to a birthday party/ go shopping/ go out to eat/ with them. Well they ask me sometimes, but either I can't go at that time or they completely forget me. I guess I have too many just friends...and not close friends. My best friends back home that would talk to me all the time and ask me to go over or do things say that I have so many friends and I'm so busy. But that's all I have...just friends. I think my problem is that I jump around to so many groups and make so many friends that I don't stay long enough for them to miss me when I'm not around. 

 Now I feel selfish.
 But really. I mean I HATE inviting myself places. And even when I make plans or try to set up something, it never works out. Like last Friday, I've been trying to get people to come have a picnic and hang out at the river and some people were like yeah let's do it! Friday came. I ate in Sewell park by myself. I don't just don't know what to do. I want to be everywhere, but no one seems to want me anywhere. Another situation. After Korean club on Friday, I was with some people and they were going to go hang out and watch something. I kinda invited myself and went with them and while there I wasn't really left out and was included on conversations (granted they did have some inside jokes and stuff that i wasn't there to get). So while there, they were talking about another friend's birthday that was the next day and were talking about a party for her. I was ok, I wanna go just lemme know, since I don't work tomorrow. Saturday came no one told me anything. Also, another friend group had invited me to go eat in Austin and I said I was gonna go. No one checked if I was still going or told me when they were leaving. They went without me. Then today, I find out that someone that doesn't even hang out with the Korean club people much was at the BIRTHDAY PARTY that no one really asked me to go to. HOW the heck did he know about it and get invited and I didn't?! 

 There's also a thing that happened with dancing. 
First of all, when starting the Kpop dancing, no one asked me to be in "The Boys" group or even in any other dances. I ended up finding people that didn't have a group and made a group myself and we picked a song. And then we were gonna get with some other people and do a second dance, but we didn't get to do that one because they said they have enough performances planned. I was obviously sad and made it known to everyone that I was only doing one dance and wanted to do more. Then a group ends up changing one of their songs to that same song that we were planning on doing and they needed one more person. THEY ASK SOMEONE THAT ISN'T EVEN IN KOREAN CLUB AND DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THAT BAND OR SONG!!! WTH?! I knew the song by heart, each member's name, and a bit of dance already. That doesn't make any sense to me. Also, JLC ended up cancelling Soran Bushi performance and I was super sad. I made it known to a lot of people that I was really sad that it wasn't happening. Then a bit ago, I go up to wait for Para Para practice and there's all these people practicing Soran Bushi. Im like: WHAT?! I notice it's all Japanese students and I'm like: OK that's cool Japanese students doing Japanese dance, but then theres a few people that aren't Japanese. What?... Why didn't any one tell me? I REALLY wanted to do Soran Bushi and I already knew the dance. I asked a Japanese student about it and she said it was supposed to be just Japanese students doing it last minute for a surprise maybe. But I guess they needed more people for the formation they wanted to do and they didn't have enough Japanese students. I just felt left out cause no one asked me to help. So i was a bit frustrated for a bit because I wanted to do it too, but I got over it because they all looked really good and legit. 
 Then also with the International Students, I try to get close to them, but I feel like I still can't get close enough because of the language barrier. Granted they speak English, and I speak/understand a lot of Japanese and Korean its just not enough. When they are together they speak their own language and I feel left out. I REALLY REALLY want to understand. I'm not sure just how much they understand that I want to know they language so I can erase that barrier and be included. I WANT TO UNDERSTAND! It just makes me feel discouraged because I want to know these language, but I'm not learning fast enough and I get distracted and stop studying. I wish so much to be fluent in at least another language. AGH! But there are still Americans that hang out with International students regularly. WHY CANT THAT BE ME?! ksjdfvlkajsfglakjs So yeah. I feel like I'm not being wanted again. And it really makes me feel lonelier then I really should be. 
 WHERE IS MY PLACE?!
_Laila_ ;_;