I'm Over IT

There's a lot of things that I'm over now.

One: being sad about Jpop and quite possibly listening to Jpop in general. Basically all my favorite bands are breaking up, well not so much breaking up as having members leave. I just can't keep up with them anymore. Every time I try to go listen to a new song or rather watch a mv, it either doesn't work or makes me disappointed or sad. I just decided to focus on Kpop, which is immensely easy. I won't give up on Jpop totally, just...UGH I DONT EVEN KNOW! Next topic...

Two: I'm over my crushes (pshh yeah right). Well, one of them for sure since he is graduating. I've given up on him for a while now because I was never able to hang around him this semester. Ever since Ultimate Frisbee was cancelled I was able to let go of my feelings for him. Maybe not totally, but enough to where he wouldn't be on my mind all the time. And yeah, I'm giving a lot away right now, but I don't even care. He or possibly anyone associated with him won't even read this when I post it and the people that do read this might not even know him or will be able to figure out who it is. Plus, even if he were to read this, nothing would happen. Our interaction has been reduced to an awkward "Hi" whenever I do get a chance to see him, or rather we see each other. I would often see him around campus but he wouldn't see me. That may sound creepy, but that sort of thing happens when you have a crush. They just randomly appear wherever you are when you least expect it. And usually, you are too much of a coward to say anything. Not only that, but I felt I never really fit in with that group of people anyway. I love them dearly, don't get me wrong, but there were times where I felt like I wasn't wanted. I could never really say much without sounding dumb, because everything they all said was super witty and they just feed off each other's wittiness and friendship connection. It was really fun to feel excepted at first among this group of talented and funny people, but then the feeling slowly disappeared. I started struggling to be able to hang out with them. Being the youngest and least funny/witty you feel disconnected. Also, it didn't help that I don't have a car. I couldn't just show up and hang out like they all could with each other. I had to be a leech and ask them to get me or whatever. So I stopped when Ultimate stopped. I'm truly sad that most of you are graduating and I cherish every memory that I made with you, but now I guess it is time I focus on a different group and try to fit in somewhere else. I'm glad I got to be around you guys last Friday, even if it was only a tiny amount of time and was unfortunately cut short for me out of my control. Love you guys, but sadly, its over.
   
-I had planned for this post to be more quality, but my best ideas come to me when I'm trying to fall asleep and don't write them down. Then i forget. Sorry bout it.-
~MMK

Something is needed.

...and that something could be a car .
Having my own car would make things a lot easier for not just me, but everyone. Well everyone connected to me. I'd be able to be a better friend because I could just drop in or go over and hang out at someone's place and come and go as I please. Right, now I never go to anyone's hardly, because I don't want to ask someone for a ride. Or when I do finally get up the courage to ask someone, they can't. But I mean I guess it's not my fault. I mean, I know its not my fault. If they wanted to hang out with me they'd ask me over, or ask to come get me. Everyone should know by now that I don't have a car and don't live on campus. I guess that just tells me something right there... Yeah I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing and being pessimistic.
But I can't help it.
I really wanted to go to the Coffee Pot tonight to watch friends play a show, but look at me...I'm not there. I even changed and straightened my hair, but i had no one to bring me.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I get so jealous of people I'm around because they've found a close friend to always be with or awesome roommates that they're super close with and do things together with.
I just miss my best friend and our relationship.
Especially once she got a car. She would just come over and "kidnap" me and bring me to her house, or we'd go do something together. I'm not saying I liked her for her car, that's not it. I'm just saying that because that's what i'm upset about right now.
Friends here that I don't have classes with or live close to anymore I hardly ever see except, maybe once a week at Refuge (which I didn't make it to this week =[ ) I feel bad asking rides from those people (which are the only people I'm close to that have cars and I feel comfortable with), because I do hardly ever see them and I don't want to be using them. I was already accused of this anyway, which i still feel terrible for.
There's this one friend that I'm not even close to who happens to live in the same apt complex. She volunteered to come pick me up from work at midnight and bring me home every Tuesday. I can't thank her enough. I gave her gas money and when she refused I didn't get out of the car without her taking it. It's the very least I can do.
Gah i wish i lived on campus. And I wish I didn't ever apply for this dang job at Jones thats super inconvenient for me.
Sorry, that I don't ever blog about happy things. I just, don't think about Blogging until im depressed and crying. It helps me say the things I can't out loud and complain about things that I can't control.
Now to wallow in my sorrow and comfort (or depress even more) myself with more drama...Asian dramas.
Until next time...

Laila~

Hi

Oh life.

It looks like I've been doing some serious bloggin lately to vent. Well more than usual. My faith is just really being tested lately. I'm just being emotional again. I used to be so emotional growing up, but I thought I had gotten a lot stronger. Now, it seems I'm back to being emotional and crying in bed at night.
This weekend a lot of things have been stressing me out.
My great-uncle Odell died on friday. At the time, i didn't know this. My dad told me something about him not pulling through his dialysis, but I took it as he was in a coma or something idk... I was half asleep. So it just now hit me.

He's the one in the hat. These are pictures I took at our family reunion this year in July. The two middle pictures are the siblings. My grandpa is the one in the blue. Then my dad is the guy sitting next to him in the first picture.
As soon as I got to the camp for the BSM Fall Retreat my mom called and told me that my dad had been diagnosed with low blood platelets and an enlarged spleen which makes him have sclerosis  of the liver. Supposedly it's not life threatening yet, but still...im gonna worry and think the worse. And then our BSM director had to talk about his when hid dad died and such. It took a lot to keep from crying. When I was on the way home, i texted my dad and said something about his diagnosis and he replied with "But I got JESUS, so don't worry about me." I didn't let it get to me then because I was in a car, but it is so getting to me now. I am glad to know he'll go to Heaven, but still...JEEZ now im sobbing. He cant go anywhere yet... Ok i have to stop thinking about this.
I have a history exam tomorrow and I haven't studied nor have i finished the essay for it. I am such a wreak right now...I need to calm down. Oh yeah...and Japanese homework and two Japanese quizzes tomorrow.
Lord please help me...give me strength to do what i need to do and not let my mind wander.

On another note...it's times like these that I wish I had a boyfriend. Someone who can hold me when I cry and tell me it'll be ok. Someone that I can depend on to comfort me and try to cheer me up. I've been so desperate and lonely lately. I mean I guess I'm always like this, but seeing all these people I know or even grew up with getting married and having babies. When will it be my turn?
I also have been feeling homesick. I just really want someone to hold me...
Im gonna have a headache from all this crying...
I guess it also doesn't help that I just started my time of the month today.




 

Crying

I am crying right now and can't stop. I guess all my emotions have been building up and now they are all coming out at once. It happens to me often.

1.  I just did an 8 hr shift (12-8pm) on my first day at my first part-time job ever. -cry-
2.  I called a friend to hang out after work so I could rest a little and since I was already by their dorm and it's Saturday night, but friends/roommates were tired, sick, going to sleep, or busy, so its a no...and something was said. -cry-
3.  Texted two guys to see if I could hang out at their apt since I was walking that way and wanted to hang out with someone still. Plus I hardly hang out with them without tons of other people. No reply. -cry-
4. Walked all the way across campus and up a hill from work to my apt AFTER i had been on my feet for 8 hours. -cry-
5. I.Have.NO.Car! -cry-
6. Do I have any close friends here? Is there anyone that wants me around no matter what? Has anyone personally invited me to just hang out or talk one-on-one? -cry-
7.  I'm pretty sure I annoy people because I ask for rides so much. -cry-
8.  My best friend/s are back home! -cry-
9.  I have no boyfriend, nor anyone that wants to be my boyfriend. I want a personal relationship with someone, I want to know that I can rely on them and they'll always be there for me. I need to feel loved. I WANT SOMEONE TO HOLD ME!  (besides Jesus) -cry-
10. I am on my own. For real. I've been hurt a couple of times recently. I want my mommy to hug  me and help me. Finally Homesick? -cry-
11. Mom calls. -sob-
12. Mom wanted me to talk to her while a walked all the way back so i wouldn't be alone in the dark and didn't want any thing to happen to me. worried. -sob-
13. Mom sorry that have no car and wish she could do something. -sob-
14. I need things from store: shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hair moose, some groceries. -cry-
15. I still need things for work: black pants and black no slip shoes! -cry-
16. Best friend wants to talk. Cant cause tired and i'll sob again. -cry-
17. Oh the pants that i just wore to work, my only black-ish ones, broke. -cry-
18. Skin problems acting up. -cry-
19. Cant go to church tomorrow. -cry-
20. Work and most of this repeat tomorrow. -cry-

Now you know what's mostly on my mind. Reason to cry...i think so. I still having trouble stopping. Hopefully I can sleep tonight. ;_;
I'm out~  Meliah.

Summer Thoughts.

Well, this summer wasn't what I was expecting it to be.
Originally, I had planned to be working at CPN (my tribe) this summer. I even had a job lined up and everything. Then, things fell apart. My place to stay suddenly couldn't house me for family reasons. Soon after that the job told me they wouldn't be able to hire me anyway because of funding. My guess is that God didn't want me there for a reason. Actually, I think I knew the reason but I choose to ignore it. Later in the summer that reason comes back to hit me in the face. Well, not literally, but I finally come to terms with it.
Basically, I was stuck at home most of the summer. This was good and bad.
Good: I got to spend time with friends and family.
Bad: I was bored for a lot of the time and...may have made some not so good choices.
The choices I'm referring to may or may not involve a guy. Don't worry, it's not terrible. I still have my V card and I didn't get close to losing it. I just had a "what if" situation with a guy friend. Enough about that.
Um...let's see. Oh yeah.
My summer didn't get fun until the end of July.
Two words. Darren Criss. (I love this perf. Especially the phone incident.)
Yup, I saw him in concert. But yet again, it feels like a dream.( Like when I saw Miyavi.) I still can't actually believe I saw him in person. He is an incredible person. I'm kind of upset that I wasn't his fan before I found him on Glee.  Gah! I just can't find the words to describe him right now. He is so much more than Blaine on Glee though. If you really want to love him, go watch Starkid stuff. Like A Very Potter Musical.
Anyway, i digress... My bestie and another friend went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas to see him. It was ok, I guess. Six flags, not the concert. The concert was amazing.
After that, went to a family reunion.
Then i was supposed to go to Six Flags FT again to drop off a cousin with his sister, but we ended up staying. I didn't have much fun cause i was just there.
The next day, my friend that would bring me to Oklahoma took me and our friend from OK to Schlitterbaun. It was my first time and I had SO MUCH FUN! Although, I lost my good pair of flip-flops. sad face.
On to Oklahoma!
It was a blast. I stayed with a family that I've fallen in love with. They are basically my second family. I went to a church camp with them while up there, Indian Falls Creek.

 That camp is really really great. I'm kinda lacking in description abilities atm, but it is just so amazing. I really love my Oklahoma fam. Although, while there the thing i had to come to terms with happened. I was rejected. Well, not straight-up no, but he said he only has friend feelings for me. Maybe that's what God was keeping me from. He didn't want me to go up there for the wrong reason and get hurt. Now that I finally know for sure how he feels, I can move on. It is a little hard, but slowly I am letting go of my feelings. I started getting myself in way too deep. I may already be. I fell in love not only with him, but his family. I went to his Dad's birthday party when I got there. I even finally met his Mom and like her a lot. But, I guess it's not meant to be. I'm still going to keep in touch and be his friend. I'm just not going to wait on him anymore. I'm moving on...
Not that there's anyone to move on to. I don't know if I even want to keep my crushes anymore. Once again, I am back to where I started. Lonely and without hope.
Right, enough of my pity party. (I guess I don't care anymore if someone reads this. Like anyone will though.)
So I'm back in college now. I like my classes so far. Apartment life is pretty cool. Except for the fact that I'm not on campus so it's inconvenient. No car para mi.
Yeah so i think that's all I'm gonna write now. I'm tired...of this. lol jk.
NIGHT!~ OYASUMI~

Pathetic.

Right so, i don't want to talk about my summer right now. It is not the matter on my mind at the moment. I dont even wanna mention my first days of classes. We can discuss those later.
What i do want to say is...how pathetic am i?
Something just happened that has happened to me frequently. I start to get up the courage to flirt with a guy or something or find i'm developing stronger feelings for a guy friend. Then i turn around and find that they just asked out a friend of mine and are now dating like the same day i make the decision to start to pursue them. Like tonight, I decided to see if this guy could be someone that could like me. He has started paying more attention to me and talking to me more. This doesn't happen often between the male species and i. I take things like this to heart and blow it out of proportion. And i get home to facebook and see he just put his relationship status as dating the girl that was with us. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I seriously thought this girl liked a different guy. Boy, was i wrong. It sorta hit me when a ran after them to get my backpack out of his car and turned the corner to see them holding hands. In my head i was like: (hmmmm...were they just...? nah!) Then he was like: Oh i'll just take you home. That's when i started feeling the awkwardness. And like I said, came in my apt and found the status change. How the heck can I be that oblivious. This exact thing happened to me last semester. When i saw it my first reaction was: AW CUTE!...(then)...wait...what!?  (this being after i liked it and then i commented I KNEW IT!). Even though I made it sound like i could tell they had something going on...I was freakin oblivious. Then I realized this happened to me before. Needless to say, I got off FB and started crying.
I'm pretty sure i have a hidden talent of repelling guys. My love life has consisted of: numerous crushes...nonstop, one "boyfriend" of 2? months end of 7th to 8th but we DID NOTHING just a title, 9th grade 16 hour bf who was pressured into it by mutual friends so i basically told him to end it because i knew he didnt like me, one true boyfriend (basically my first; first hand hold, first kiss and make-out, an intense and overly flirty "thing" with a Chinese waiter, first date (although our "date" wasn't until after we dated because neither of us could drive when we dated so i guess it doesn't count?), an almost fling who rejected me twice because he just wants to be friends after he was making moves on me (meaning holding hands/cuddling), and a regretful fling with a guy friend that was just a "what if" type situation.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I know God has someone out there for me. But ( i know its bad to say) im really tired of waiting. True love does wait, but can't i have a lil relationship? No. I need to stop thinking like that. Im just longing for a relationship. I want someone to want me, to want to get to know me, to want to be with me, to want to love and love me for who i am. I want someone to hold me and just look into my eyes, telling me that they'll be there for me. I WANT TO CUDDLE. God you granted me patience, but im not using it right.
I need patience for my love life.
#hopelessromantic4lifeproblems
Now to indulge myself in Asian dramas to watch relationships that i'll never have.
~Meliah

Apparently i can blog from my phone. I just havent tried yet so here goes...
I just completely knocked down my self-confidence. I was walkin down the side of alkek library comin from a final and i saw my big crush for txst walk past the bottom of the steps headin the same way i was. I speedily went down the stairs to catch up with him. Idk why i did b/c i hadnt planned further. I basically stalked him until we parted ways at flowers. At one pt. we were walkin right next to each other and he didnt notice me. I made no effort to get his attention, except attempting to keep up with him and smiling like a fool. why is it so hard for me to make a move?Is it b/c i know hes not interested? What wouldve happnd if i said hi. Should i have? I might tell him if i see him at the parting of waves party. I should see him cause it'll be at his apt. I fail.

Somewhere Only We Know

Hey guys! (why do i put a greeting when i know good and well no one reads this? ><)
SO it's been a while, ne? yup. Right now I'm supposed to be in bed because it is currently 1:33am and i just took a relaxing cold shower after another sweaty game of Ultimate. Speaking of Ultimate. I've been gettin lots better. Im catchin lots n lots. I actually am tired and sweating after a game, although that could be because of the hotter weather and intense more amount of humidity. BLEH Dx
Anyway...
Let me shed a lil light on the inspiration for the title.
So, I recently have gotten myself into another obsession. As with any obsession, I go big. This time...it's Glee. I knew a long time ago that I would like this show. I was soooo right. This is all thanks to my Darling best friend of course. Without her, my life would be boring and obsessionless. But yeah Glee. They recently came back to the 2nd season after a 3week? hiatus. And man they came back strong. SO MUCH ANGST. I feed off of angst, hence why i love Asian dramas so much. Dey be chocked full of it. Short story long...The title is a song that the boy accapello group from a boys' private school called the Dalton Warblers released as a goodbye song for main character Kurt who had transfered there because of bullying at the main school McKinley High. Blaine (Darren Criss) plays the main vocal for the Warblers and now Kurt's boyfriend. Some Where Only We Know was released way before tonight's (well since it's 1am then yesterday's ?) new episode 90 minute special when Kurt returns to McKinley. So i had time to listen to the song before I watched the new episode. Basically, its been stuck in my head all day. I reallyREALLY like it. Darren Criss is a freakin amazing man and wonderful singer. I found out all this through a lil site called Tumblr. Don't go to it unless you want your life to be consumed and ruined. My BF also got me on Tumblr, I kept avoiding it but i finally gave in. Dx idk if i should have. Its really good for gifs/ships/memes/spoilers/fandoms/sexriots/blogging. TIME CONSUMING NONSENSE! Yet, i still go. xD
-sigh-
Oh and the reason i know the song so well is cause of this...

The Warblers released an AMAZING album and it was on there. I listened to it a lot in the past few days.

You see my nails btw?

You like? lol Like someone will answer. They kinda simple anyway though.
So I should be going to sleep. 8am class=no bueno. Dx I originally got on here to write down my final exam date and times. SO much for that.
I shall leave you with the song though. Please enjoy!

Goodnight Lovlies!~

~Meliah

I may have a problem...or few.

I do have problems...k?
Currently, I procrastinate to blog about stuff that I don't do. Ironic, ne?
Eeeek...my throat is starting to hurt again. And i have a big lie bump on the side of my tongue. Dx not fun.
But anyway, procrastination. Big problem for me. I don't even know where to began. Well first of all, there is a huge pile of clean clothes on the floor in front of my dresser/closet because i have yet to fold them and put them away since yesterday.
Last night, I spent too much time on Tumblr when i should have been studying for my Anthropology test that i took this morning. I.can't.study. I have major problems with it. IDK WHYYYY! I just can't bring myself to do it. I FAILLLLL! It's not like i may pushing myself to change though. Being on the internet (aka Facebook, Youtube, and Tumblr...sometimes Twitter) doesn't help my problem one bit.
So I'm supposed to be working on my rough draft of my paper for English that's due tomorrow. I got nothing done so far. Even though it is just an Anotated Bibliography...I can't even think of a thesis. I know what i want to focus on, but i still can't put it in a thesis. I sounds too simple everyway i think of way. Idk i just need to go with it. Its just a rough draft for now anyway. But the thing is...I dont want to do it. I'd rather re-do my finger nails or start a new drama or something. GAHHH!
I have been forgetting a lot of things lately. It's been getting me in trouble.
I...need something. I dont know what to say...i ran out of juice.
Long day of Native American films and missing someone and holding back eveything to not text him again. He hasn't answered me the past 3 times. I think he might be getting annoyed with me. It's just every little thing reminds me of him. I wish i knew what he thinks of me.
Well...Idk if i can hold up much longer, i was already falling asleep a second ago when trying to work. Going to bed early sounds nice...but it doesn't feel right because i need to work more.
FML
~Laila the scatter-brained~

Oh dear April First...

So I just read my friend's blog about April Fools and I agree with her. Life is like April Fools all the time. But especially on the actual April Fools for me today. Not so good of a day today. Last night was pretty fun, but since this morning my mood has taken a big fall off of a cliff...
First of all, I went to my 9-oclock. It was supposed to be my only class today because my 8am was cancelled for the rest of the week. Well, the TA who was supposed to teach didn't show up. Waste.of.time.

If you know me at all, you will know that i am a BIG procrastinator and lazy. Well that all came back to bite me in the butt today. It all started when i forgot to sign up for housing on that certain day where EVRYONE was supposed to do it. I had gotten the paper that i wasn't required to live on-campus, but i didn't read it carefully to know when the date was to sign up for dorms. I really really needed to stay on campus. I wouldn't be able to afford an apartment because of monthly rent...i don't have a job...definitely no money from the folks. I depend on financial aid. I never got an email saying if I was on the waiting list or not. I started getting more and more worried as time went on. I started inwardly freaking out when i heard everyone saying what dorm they got in and that they are all together and such (all my friends will be in San Jac) Almost to the brink of crying at most points. I didn't know what i should do, i kept putting off thinking about it and doing something about it. People kept bugging me about it and i was bugging myself about it, but for some reason i thought something would just happened if i waited. dumb. I finally did something about it today. My friend made me go to JCK to talk to Housing today. Needless to say, I came out of there crying and homeless. I was on the waiting list, but number 345 or something and the 255th female. Now, I'm in the terrible stressful situation of figuring out somewhere to live. All along I had been arguing with my mom about getting an apartment. She kept telling me there was absolutely no way, because we're poor and i don't have a job to pay rent every month. Well now it looks like i have to, and she's freaking out on me. She always seems to raise her voice at me on the phone when i talk to her. She wonders why i never call. She's always getting upset about how i forget and/or procrastinate. She knows that i get that from her.
Now we're to the point that i have to save as much money from the summer job im hopefully getting as i can, and most likey i'll have to get a job in school as well. Which i know that'll be a painful process as well. I need and on campus job. Hopefully I'll find one. But what i really need to find now is a place to live...
I wonder if any of my friends living off campus need another roommate...Doubt it. Everyone's already settled. Except me.
Now i can't go to Karaoke tonight because im working on financial aid stuff
I just really need to get my priorities straight. I need to stop worrying about relationships and get over my fear of being alone. My ROOMATE just told me God will provide...and He will. I just don't like drowning in tears...
Bad...Day...
Pray for me.

Tonight, Such a BEAUTIFUL Night.

~ Two Thousand and eleven...Big Bang Big Bang, We back again one more time say No way No way~
Lyrics to BIG BANG's new come back single, Tonight
This is what has made me quite happy. I pre-order it a while back and was waiting...
Yesterday i checked my mail and found this!

Wooo yeah~ The CDs are cheaper from Hong Kong so that's why it says that insted of Korea.
Anyway...now for a bit of insight. BIG BANG is one of my fav bands of all time, especially Kpop wise.
They had been apart to do solo stuffs for a while now. don't quite remember how long, but pretty much each of them did solo stuff. Then GD and TOP even did a duo...which was super epic! i am so getting that CD next. Anyway, so they finally got back together and released a come back album. What really erks me is WHY THE HECK COULDN'T KATTUN DO THIS??! I dont understand. Did they not want to wait for Jin to do his solo stuffs? Yeah, I know it wasn't their's or Jin's decision but they could've had influence if they really wanted to. I dont like it. They dont sound the same...and KTTUN DOESNT WORK! But whatever...stupid Johnny H. Kitagawa. but i digress...
I was soooooo excited when i got it. My roommate could even tell i was happier. When my roommate left the room to shower, I just sat there on my bed with the envelope in my hands. I started to take pictures and then i got the brillant idea to do this:
Warning: It turned out to be 15 minutes. DX sorry... (not that any reads this and will watch this ><)

Imma dork, i know. But hey, at least im passionate about my likes.
So i think that'll do it for now.
Until next time~
Laila

P.S.
Im typing this when i should just now be getting back from Ultimate Frisbee. Tonight, disappointed me. I COULDN'T go. No one could give me a ride and the escort service was only doing walking ones. Pointless. So no fun times, my "workout", or seeing certain...people. At least i did a lil bit of studying. Dx

Obsessions!~

This will be a blog post about a few of my main obsessions. When i obsess, i go BIG! Just like when i crush i usually crush hard...but thats another story of which i talk too much about. (sorry if it bother you but i have this thing of not capitalizing my "i"s. Get over it.)So to give anyone a little insight on the true me and what floats through my head...here it goes.
Most of my obsessions have a central and main theme...ASIANS! Although, if you really know me, you'll already have this figured out.

SECTION ABOUT JPOP:
This is pretty much how my love for Asians exploded. (i credit the start to anime/manga because of my best friend, but i don't know much about that cause i didn't stick around. There is still a like for it though.)
There's a little (not so lil actually) entertainment company in Japan called Johnny's Entertainment. I know quite a bit about this whole umbrella of talented males. Yes, it is an agency for only male talent, but that's ok, we all love cute boy bands, right? I know i do. There's so much that i want to say about JE that i think i should save it for another blog post altogether. Basically, this is the beginning of a beautiful obsession. Credited to my bestest friend in the world. We would randomly break into dances from different songs by bands in this, or actually sing parts of it. No one at school understood us. We were in our own lil world.
New song from my fav group, Tegomassu. (Actually a subgroup of a band called News)

From there, I moved on to other Asianness!~
-whoosh sound-
SECTION ABOUT KPOP:
Ok so this is my current main obsession. I can't get enough of them lovely Korean guys. No matter how much I love Japanese guys, i believe that Korean idols are hotter in a more manly way, Jpop guys are feminine, but i digress. So my first Kpop love was a group called DongBangShinKi aka DBSK/THSK/TVXQ (kpop,jpop,cpop version of name). My friends and i loved them dearly. My best friend even bought a DVD of their 3rd album so it had music videos and behind the scenes. We would often watch it and dance to the videos like how they were. (we even picked who we wanted to be, basically our fav member.) Remembering all this makes me sad now. You wanna know why? Well im telling you anyway...THEY SPLIT UP!! Dx Our world ended when this happened. 3/5 memebers felt that their company was not paying them enough or exploiting them or something. Did you know that they had the biggest fan base in the WORLD? The fan group was called Cassiopia and had like 800,000+ members  But no, they had to go and break everyone's hearts and split into two groups, JYJ (an acronym of members Jaejung aka Hero, Yunchun aka Mickey, and Junsu aka Xiah) and then the remaining members (Changmin aka Max and Yunho aka Uknow) still under the same entertainment agency kept the name TVXQ (which i don't believe is right ><). All this is very heartbreaking. They were all so close especially watching them on behind the scenes and extra things. Why would they just break up like that??? Dx and i digress...
Now, I'm a fan of lots of other kpop bands. Like BigBang (my fav), Shinee, 2NE1, Supior Junior (was actually a fan around the same time as DBSK), 2pm, 2am, SS501, Girls Generation (SNSD).
Here's the comeback video for my fav band BigBang. They were apart for solo activites:

SECTION ABOUT TWPOP:
I would say Chinese pop, but specifically they are from Taiwan. I actually only got into TWpop through TWdramas. I can actually say that the music in Taiwan dramas impacted me more than Jdoramas (unless it was an artist that i loved). I found the music to just jump right out at me and say "Look at me!! I'm cute and happy!!" or "OMG im so gonna give you chills and make you cry even though you have no idea what I'm saying unless you look at the subs." It happens. But, yeah. So most of the TW artists i know or songs that i have on my Zune are from the dramas i've seen. (If you are confused on what a drama is, see next section.)
I had knew of some TW/C artists before, like JJLin or Golf and Mike (which G&M are a taiwan branch of JE and collabed with Yamapi to form Kitty GYM for a promotion to women's volleyball tournament). Anyway, artists i like now are Farenheit, S.H.E., Nicholas Teo, Rainie Yang, Cyndi Wang, Vaness Wu
(was part of group called F4).
Here's a song that i really love by Rainie Yang that was on my most favorite drama ever:

SECTION ABOUT DRAMAS:
IM OBSESSED WITH ASIAN DRAMAS!!!!! That's all you really need to know for now.
Well basically dramas are Asian tv shows that usually only last one season. But that's how it's supposed to be. Depending on where the drama is from and how big the story line is determines the number of episodes. It can be somewhere between 11-20 something. Sometimes, dramas will get a second season or a movie. I will blog more about dramas some other time. TMI for right now!

SECTION ABOUT YOUTUBE:
I think the first Asian youtuber that I watched or was interested in was KevJumba. I didn't really stick with him at first, but I knew about him. Next, was probably Nighiga. I was shown these youtubers through online friends from a social networking site...for Asians. lol. No, I didn't pose as an Asian. They let me join cause i had a strong interest in Asian things. I am still friends with a few of the people i met on there. Anyway, just by that, it exploded into a LOT of Asian youtubers. They came out of know where and i started to subscribing to all of them. A few i found through other Asian youtubers collabing. But a lot I found on my own. Then the most amazing thing happened, THEY ALL STARTED COLLABORATING WITH EACH OTHER!! My world got happier. So now there's this Asian Movement on Youtube and they all help each other with videos and what not and it's so much fun. I feel so connected to them even though I've never met any of them. Just watching them vlog and post random vids and skits and such, i feel i know them personally. I even call them all by their real names now, insted of their youtube screen names. I follow them on Facebook, twitter, blogtv, youtube, tumblr, and their own websites and blogs. Now I shall list them in a long list: Wong Fu Productions, Nigahiga, KevJumba, Community Channel, Bubzbeauty/Bubbiosity, Shimmycocopuffs, David Choi, Aj Rafeal, Mychonny, ...and then dance crews came into the mix somewhere along the way Quest Crew, Marvelous Motion/ I.aM.mE. I may be forgetting someone, but oh well. You got the idea. Here is a GREAT collab that a few did with Smosh as well and it was a medium film, insted of short film.

-sigh- Well that took forever. But there's my main obsessions for you. This made me think that it is just previews of other things for me to blog about. Sorry for the lengthyness...if anyone even read this far anyway. ><
In the words of FarEast Movement:
LIVE FREE STAY WIRED!
~Laila

Here I Go Again...

Why can't I just not have crushes. Why do I have to be such a girl?!?!
No need to answer...nothing will change.
There's times when I want to give up on this crush, and then times when I don't. I know nothing will ever happen between us, but I keep holding on to hope.
Gah I wish I had better things to blog about. But this is the only thing that I really wanna talk about, but I feel it's too trivial to talk about in person, so I save it for blogging. My friends that blog always have something interesting to blog about or witty little stories about things. I got nothing. Nothing but how my love life is not where I want it and no matter how much I wait and rely on God, secretly I want something to happen anyway. Then there's the times I say things about how something happened and I saw it as flirting when it really wasn't and I overanalyze. Or there's the times like last night when I want to give up completely. I heard him say something about he hopes his date with a girl goes well, or even if they do go on a date. In my heart I wanted him to be referring to me. Obviously, he wasn't because why would he talk about asking a girl out on a date right in front of me if it was me.
Gah i need to stop this.

happy valentines day =[

Today was Vday. well technically yesterday, now. It was an ok day. Pretty lonely for the most part though. I wanted to spend time with a friend, but he had things to do. He always has things to do now and doesn't invite me. He doesn't even talk to me on his own now. This morning was the most we've talked in a while, and that was just a brief convo before class started. I miss him. He kinda seems mad at me, I hope i didnt do anything to him. He even had a dinner date with a Valentine tonight. Why does he get a Valentine, I thought he wasn't that type of guy. Im sure it was just the friend i know, but what if it wasn't? I wouldn't know because he doesn't hangout with me anymore. I pray for him all the time now. He doesn't know how much i really care for him, even if i don't agree with some things he believes in, or rather doesn't believe. My heart is broken for him most of the time. Friend...i miss you.

There's also someone else i miss.
I went to his facebook profile and wrote this on his wall, but didn't post it.

i love you. not sure how not sure why, but i do. you seem to get me, we have common interests as well. i feel like i can be myself around you. you are a Christian a Baptist at that. guys like you are hard to find. i feel safe and even wanted when im with you. could we be something more? Can we go further than holding hands? It took me close to 2 weeks before i held hands with my actual boyfriend, it only took the second time to spend a day with you and we aren't even dating. i wish you were here. i wish i knew you better. i wish you could touch me and hold me again...I hope im not rushing into this but i feel something different with you than my other crushes. could we have a future together? do you even feel the same way i do? i may not ever know. im scared to get close to you again because you'll bring me in just to push me away and tell me we should be friends for now. its for the best but i think its not what we both want. at least this is how i think you feel. these are things i want to say to you, but can't find the courage to and i dont think its the right time to say it. until next time...miss you.

That pretty much sums up how i feel about him. I don't know if he'll ever get to know those things. We'll see this summer, perhaps.
~Hoping to find love one day~
Laila

sceitseála: meliah.red wolf woman.

sceitseála: meliah.red wolf woman.: "meliah.red wolf woman."

My frand Laurin drew me! YAY!~ I love art. I love art so much that i hate it. This makes sense because i wish i was good at it. This also makes me miss my friends back home, and one that isn't back home and is closer than i thought. But either way my friends would draw me sometimes...cause they could. ><

Superbowl Sunday Funday~

As the title suggests, today was superbowl sunday. I'm never excited about the superbowl, but this time I was invited to a Bible study party thing. It was much fun. Great discussion with great people during Bible study. We read Acts chapter 3. I have heard this story many times before and even know a song about it. Its when Peter and John see the lame beggar at the gate called Beautiful and the whole "silver and gold have I none but such as I have I give thee. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk." (yes i just sang the song for that in my head. It's actually a kid's song, so its not known...i think.) A lot of things were discussed and I think it was an excellent time of fellowship and Bible study. Although, when I decided to talk HE had to walk through the door right during the middle of my schpill. I had been secretly wondering where he could be during the Bible study. Of course i was paying attention, but I just wondered what he does when this stuff happens. He went straight to his room. I don't understand why I like him. Apparently he isn't Christian which is not what im looking for. Maybe if he did like me or get with me I could influence him? WHAT am i thinking?!!?
1. that'll never happen
 2. im sure im not his type
 3. My friend has probably whitnessed to him many a time seeing as they are roommates and buddies from back home.
After, Bible study he would come out every once in a while to watch the super bowl a bit and then go back to his room. When he first came out, it looked like he had been crying. Even a girl said she heard him sound angry or upset on the phone. I was worried about him. I did manage to have small conversations with him, while everyone else seemed to kinda ignore him. But im just being...idk dumb. I thought i had given up on him, but apparently not. I guess because he's so Asian and so hott. WTH! I need to stop. Anyway, today was fun. And Glee was great. I need to go back and catch up on glee, even though i have a whole season and maybe half to watch. This dang bump/growth thing on my lower palm/wrist makes it painful to type. Gah im rambling. And i need to go to bed. Dang 8am class. Well, guess this is goodbye. Hope my roomate's freakin boyfriend leaves. He better not spend the night again. ><
Night love~
Laila

First (EPIC) Post

Last night...SUPER FUN!

It started out as a Bible study, because our regular Bible study (Refuge) was cancelled due to bad freezing weather. All day long I had been waiting for snow. It kept getting colder and colder all week and I was waiting patiently. Anyway, back to the Bible study. We met up at a friend's apartment, there ended up being at least 20 people there. After it was over, people slowly started leaving. Then, someone called and said their car was stuck. It was decided that we all needed to stay there for the night because it would just get worse. The most epic sleepover was formed. We built a fort out of sheets in the living room, watched Hook and quoted it and had deep Peter Pan discussion. Some of us kinda fell asleep, but then woke up to go outside and play in the snow!!!! Ah it was so much fun, talking and eating egg rolls, and later popcorn and hot chocolate. I love my friends.
I just wish that I could have spent more time with a certain someone. It's not like it would matter though. I do want to be better friends with him and get to know him better, but he makes it hard being semi-antisocial. He's always going to bed. I think the best thing to do is stop trying. Only a few people know that I like him. I just know it wouldn't work out, plus I know he doesn't notice me much or would ever like me like that. I probably like him for the wrong reasons anyway. I give up.
Well, I think this makes for a pretty good first blog post.
Blogger, Thanks for having me. lol
~Laila