Motivation.

I've been putting this off way too long.

I was going to write more reviews of Japanese restaurants I visited in Japan...that didn't happen.
I was going to make a post before I came back to the U.S....that didn't work out.
I was going to write about my boyfriend of now a little over a year in Japan and how that happened...nope.

I will get inspiration or an idea of what to write about, but I'd be too tired or busy when I got home this past semester. Writing is hard work. I don't know how all these bloggers do it. Thinking up witty things to tell people who are willing to read and then actually sitting down and writing it out, some even brainstorm and do rough drafts. As I am the epitome of lazy, I don't do that. My biggest flaw is my laziness, I blame it on no motivation. Well it may just be a combination of both.

I think for this post...it will be just me rambling on about my shortcomings and disappointments to myself. Or even my personal thoughts and hopes for the future.

I hope I can get some kind of internship, preferably paid, this coming semester. Just need to get motivated and actively look for one. I just keep getting scared about driving places or actually going out and getting more obligations. I'll be putting a slight tamper on my social life. Many times I frustrated myself because I would let some people down because I would yet again over book myself because all I want to do is please people and be with all my friends every chance I get.
My grades didn't suffer much, but they could have been better. 2 A's and 2 B's. A lot of people were struggling to pass and I was there just being a social butterfly or working.

Although, I have noticed something since I've been back here. Usually, I would jump at the mention of a party or hanging out with friends. Now, it takes me a while to decide if I want to go or not. Also, I would usually want to go out with friends dancing or the like, but now I don't see the point. I still like dancing, but it isn't much fun when you don't try to get all dressed up to be noticed by guys.

 The reason for the change?

I left my heart in Japan and I only want him to look at me and visa-versa.
I'm not saying that I regret getting into a LDR (long distance relationship), it's just hard and has definitely changed me. Every time I go out with my friends, I just wish he were there with me. I wish he were with me every moment of the day, actually.

It has also awoken something in me that wants to start seriously thinking about my future. I wonder if I can get a job in Japan to be with him; there's always teaching English. I still would like to do something with my major of PR in my interests of Asian entertainment. But it is hard trying to figure out how I will get there. Which is also what stops me from actively pursuing internships. I want to be able to find some kind of internship that is in the entertainment business but is connected to Japan or Korea or both. The closest thing I can think of is to volunteer for SXSW, but that seems really limited and competitive. Plus, Austin traffic scares me and having to drive there a couple of days out of a week for something I'm not getting paid for makes me wonder if it is even worth it. Will this experience seriously help me with my career goal. I mean it wouldn't hurt to try.

I guess we'll see if the motivation comes to me try and write a cover letter and apply.

たっくんのメレーちゃん　(Takkun's Melay-chan) his name for me and mine for him.