happy valentines day =[

Today was Vday. well technically yesterday, now. It was an ok day. Pretty lonely for the most part though. I wanted to spend time with a friend, but he had things to do. He always has things to do now and doesn't invite me. He doesn't even talk to me on his own now. This morning was the most we've talked in a while, and that was just a brief convo before class started. I miss him. He kinda seems mad at me, I hope i didnt do anything to him. He even had a dinner date with a Valentine tonight. Why does he get a Valentine, I thought he wasn't that type of guy. Im sure it was just the friend i know, but what if it wasn't? I wouldn't know because he doesn't hangout with me anymore. I pray for him all the time now. He doesn't know how much i really care for him, even if i don't agree with some things he believes in, or rather doesn't believe. My heart is broken for him most of the time. Friend...i miss you.

There's also someone else i miss.
I went to his facebook profile and wrote this on his wall, but didn't post it.

i love you. not sure how not sure why, but i do. you seem to get me, we have common interests as well. i feel like i can be myself around you. you are a Christian a Baptist at that. guys like you are hard to find. i feel safe and even wanted when im with you. could we be something more? Can we go further than holding hands? It took me close to 2 weeks before i held hands with my actual boyfriend, it only took the second time to spend a day with you and we aren't even dating. i wish you were here. i wish i knew you better. i wish you could touch me and hold me again...I hope im not rushing into this but i feel something different with you than my other crushes. could we have a future together? do you even feel the same way i do? i may not ever know. im scared to get close to you again because you'll bring me in just to push me away and tell me we should be friends for now. its for the best but i think its not what we both want. at least this is how i think you feel. these are things i want to say to you, but can't find the courage to and i dont think its the right time to say it. until next time...miss you.

That pretty much sums up how i feel about him. I don't know if he'll ever get to know those things. We'll see this summer, perhaps.
~Hoping to find love one day~
Laila